NINE MONTHS POST BILATERAL MASTECTOMY AND THE NIGHTMARE STILL ISN'T OVER

It has been 9 months since I underwent a skin sparing bilateral mastectomy with "immediate reconstruction".

There was nothing "Immediate" about my reconstruction.  I hope other women are given realistic expectations and are not fooled by the term immediate reconstruction.

Nine months later, after 4 reconstructive surgeries, my breasts are in stage IV capsular contracture.  They are tight, round painful balls.  They have fallen completely out of the pocket and are sitting with a large 3 inch gap between them. 

My nipple reconstruction did not really take, they have flattened dramatically and a large portion of the skin graph was destroyed 2 weeks post op when the bandages were removed.

I have been doing countless hours of research online and have found a consistency.  It seems that many physicians are having great success with Alloderm or dermal matrix when used in breast reconstruction revision.

The trick is finding a surgeon in the GTA who is willing to try this technique on me.

OHIP is a wonderful thing, and I am not taking it for granted one bit. But only certain and limited procedures are available to Ontario Citizens.  There are many surgeons in the US who are having enormous success with breast reconstruction with Alloderm.  Only it comes at a high cost.

I find this very frustrating.  As a Canadian, if a medical procedure is recommended to me such as a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy, to reduce the risk of cancer (which clearly reduces future costs for our health care system), then why am I not entitled to the most recent up to date technologies and procedures for reconstruction.

It may not be that I am not entitled to these procedures, its just that I have to find all of the assistance and resources myself.  This should not be the patient's sole responsibility.

There is no help, there is no assistance, there is no support.  This is very frustrating.

I have another surgery tentatively scheduled for February, and another one schedule for June.

Thank fully I have managed to get an appointment with a surgeon for a second opinion prior to my February scheduled surgery.  I really need to hear from another expert that I am on the right track.  This was not the plan.  I never imagined that my process would take longer than 12 months. 

Everything sounded so positive in all of the consultations with all of the doctors and surgeons.  3 to 6 months maximum all said and done!

I am terrified to work out, terrified to use my arms, terrified to sleep with out a bra.  All of my research indicates that all of these things may have contributed to my severe capsular contracture.  I am so confused and there are so many conflicting instructions.

I don't 100% trust my own surgeon's advice at this point.  How could I, nothing has gone as planned.

Hopefully by the end of the month, I will have 2 more opinions that will help provide me with hope.

Again, I realize that all of this is still better than fighting cancer, and I am in no way trying to act as if my story is worse than someone who did not have this opportunity and is now fighting for their life.  I just wish I was given all the possibilities and was able to mentally prepare for the worse.

The psychological toll this has taken on my body, mind and soul is astounding to say the least. 

I have to re-convince myself daily that I made the right decision and that I will get through this.

9 MONTHS LATER, 4 SURGERIES LATER AND I HAVE STAGE IV CAPSULAR CONTRACTURE.  MY BREASTS ARE DEFORMED, HARD, PAINFUL AND DISFIGURED.

LOADED BREAKFAST SAUSAGE PATTIES

I was in desperate need of a satisfying grab and go breakfast idea! 

Then it came to me, this week I was inspired by @Fresh4five's Breakfast In A Jar

 

I made her awesome Breakfast In a Jar last fall, it was so filling and convenient!  I made 3 jars ahead of time and then simply added the egg the morning of.  Spectacular Idea!

Last night I scrambled through my fridge and cupboards but I didn't quite have everything that I needed to make the Breakfast in A Jar.  

But I had an idea....Why not put all of the ingredients that I do have into a sausage!   

A giant LOADED breakfast sausage!

I was up bright and early for a full days work, well actually last night I didnt really sleep so I was basically still awake at 5am.  Ever since my bilateral mastectomy there are still many sleepless nights.

These sausage patties are extremely filling and tasty!

They make a great grab and go breakfast!

INGREDIENTS :

Makes 7 patties:

1 Tbsp Garlic powder
1 Tbsp Onion powder
2 tsp Fennel seeds
1 Tbsp Sage
1 Tbsp Thyme
Sea salt
Pepper

1/2 lb ground pasture pork
1/2 lb ground grassfed beef

4 pasture eggs

1/2 of an avocado mashed

1 cup sautéed chopped kale (cooked well)

6 slices chopped prosciutto or bacon (I used prosciutto)

2 tbsp oil such as avocado,  or olive oil

INSTRUCTIONS : 

In a medium sized mixing bowl combine all ingredients and mix well, use your clean hands if necessary.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees

In a skillet over medium high heat, add the oil 

When the oil is good and hot use your hands to scoop up handfulls of the breakfast sausage mixture and plop it into the pan.  Press down on the meat gently to form a pattie.
 

Fry both sides until the outside is golden brown and crispy.

Then place the patties on a non-stick wire rack and bake for 30 mins.

Enjoy!

10 THINGS TO GIVE UP ON IN EXCHANGE FOR PEACE AND HAPPINESS

1. GIVE UP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU

2. GIVE UP TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYONE

3. QUIT WORRYING

4. LET GO OF INSECURITY

5. STOP TAKING EVERY THING PERSONALLY

6. GIVE UP THE PAST

7. GIVE UP SPENDING MONEY ON WHAT YOU DON'T NEED IN EFFORT TO BUY HAPPINESS

8. GIVE UP ANGER

9. GIVE UP CONTROL

Paleo Slow Cooker Cilantro Avocado Italian Meatballs

Mmmmmm! These meatballs are so tender and flavourful,  you will impress even the toughest Paleo lifestyle critics!

I use these meatballs in many different recipes such as Spagetti Squash'n Meatballs, Paleo Italian Wedding Soup, and Meatballs with "dream" of mushroom soup over cauli-rice.

I always make a larger amount than I actually need so that I can freeze or refridgerate the extra meatball "meat" to use in a second recipe.

INGREDIENTS :

1/2 avocado
1/2 cup cilantro
1/2lb pasture ground pork
1/2lb grass fed ground beef
1tbsp garlic powder
1tbsp italian seasoning
2tsp seasalt
1/2 cup diced onion
2 eggs

INSTRUCTIONS :

In a large bowl combine all of the above ingredients.

Using hands, mix well.

Use a fork if necessary to thoroughly combine the avocado.

Refrigerate the meatball meat for 1 hour.  I find this helps firm up the meat and to mold the meatballs. 

Using your hands, roll the meat into tablespoon sized balls.

I always reserve some of the meatball meat for later.  I store it in the refridgerator.

Place the meatballs in the bottom of the slow cooker.

Cover with homemade pomodoro sauce, or organic tomato sauce.

Sprinkle with extra garlic powder, italian seasoning, and seasalt.

Cook on low for 6-7 hours.

Serve over spagetti squash or Zucchini noodles!

 

 

Cilantro Lime Coleslaw with Fresh Dill

This was the perfect pairing for my Paleo Slow Cooker Pulled Pork!

In fact this coleslaw tasted great piled high right on top of the pulled pork between a grilled eggplant bun!

A little tangy, a little mexican, and a little sweet all at the same time! It tasted even better on day 2:)

My 6 year old requested it for lunch and dinner the next day.  Clearly I did not make enough to go around lol.

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 green cabbage shredded

1 chopped green pepper

1/2 cup chopped cilantro

1/3 cup chopped carrots

1/3 cup diced red onion

1/4 cup chopped fresh dill

1 cup earths Island vegenaise or homemade paleo mayo

2 tbsp raw honey

Juice of 1 lime

1 Tbsp lime Zest

1 Tbsp organic dijon  mustard

Sea salt and pepper to taste

INSTRUCTIONS :

Combine all of the vegetables in a bowl, cabbage, carrots,  green peppers, red onions and fresh dill.

For the dressing:

Combine mayo, lime juice, dijon mustard, cilantro (reserve some of the cilantro if you like some whole pieces in the slaw), lime zest, sea salt and pepper and honey in a food processor or blender and puree.

Pour the dressing over the veggies and toss well to coat.  If you reserved some of the fresh cilantro add that in now.

This is when I sometimes add a little more honey or salt depending on my taste buds that day.  Everyones palate is a little different.

Paleo Garlic Cheesy Bread

Yep thats right! I have created a paleo version of garlic cheese bread!

This was a spin off from my cauliflower pizza crust.  I was tired of watching everyone else enjoy garlic bread with cheese with their pasta dishes. 

I tried this a few times before I finally figured out how to get the "bread" to stay together.

INGREDIENTS :

1/2 Head steamed cauliflower (do not overcook, should be firm) let this air dry for as long as possible

1 cup almond flour

1 tbsp garlic powder

1 tbsp sea salt

1 tbsp Italian seasoning

1 egg

2 tbsp plain goat cheese

Daiyo pepperjack shredded cheese

INSTRUCTIONS :

You must place the steamed cauliflower between paper towel and squeeze it multiple times until all liquid is removed.

Preheat oven to 300 degrees

Place cauliflower into food processor

Add all other ingredients and pulse about 5 times

Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper

Using your hands, place the "dough" on the parchment paper and flatten until about 1 inch thick.

The dough should not reach all sides of the cookie sheet, if you spread it to thin it wont work. It can also be an irregular shape.

Sprinkle some extra sea salt, garlic powder and italian seasoning on top.

Bake at 300 degrees, middle rack, (I use convection bake) for a long time, until top is golden brown.  This took 1 hour for my oven.

Here is the secret......

lift the parchment paper with the bread on top carefully and remove from the baking sheet.   

Place on a cutting board or heat safe surface.

Line the same pan with another sheet of parchment paper.

Carefully flip the bread over onto the new parchment paper and remove the old parchment paper from the top of the bread.

Using a fork, press down firmly all over the top of the bread to again make it as dense as possible.

Bake again for another 20 minutes and then sprinkle with daiyo dairy free cheese.

I wasnt able to get the bread sticks to hold their form with out the egg and goat cheese. 

If you dont like goat cheese, you could put more daiyo dairy free cheese in the dough and see how that works.

Cut into strips and serve!

Recipe makes about 8  one inch x 3 inch bread sticks.

This is also great re-heated in the oven the next day. 

I reheated some bread sticks the following day to dip in my paleo celeriac leek soup!

Paleo Cilantro Lime Coconut Popcorn Chicken

I made this last night for our family's stay at home New Year's Eve Party! 

I have tried a few different methods but I didnt want to post the instructions until I was able to get the popcorn chicken to come out crispy.

It is very easy to make and doesnt have to look perfect.  In fact it looks great when all the pieces are different shapes and sizes. 

This would be a great recipe to have the kids assist with in the kitchen!

This dish has an amazing flavour that is tangy, tropical and a little bit spicy.

Texture and flavour was very important for me with this dish because my son with ASD is very picky about texture and if the coconut flavour was overpowering,  my husband wouldn't enjoy it.

I am proud to say it turned out perfect and everyone gobbled it up!

I served it as an appetizer while everyone was waiting on my chicken wings!

INGREDIENTS :

6 Boneless chicken thighs visible fat removed

1/2 cup finely chopped sweet onion

1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro

1 can coconut milk

1 cup Unsweetened shredded coconut

1 tbsp sriracha chili sauce

1 tbsp garlic powder

1.5 tsp cumin

1 tbsp onion powder

1.5 tsp smoked paprika

Sea salt to taste

1 egg

Juice of 1/2 lime

Zest of 1/2 lime

2 tbsp coconut oil divided (for frying)

INSTRUCTIONS :

Preheat oven to 375

Chop the Boneless chicken thighs into small pieces and add to the food processor

Add the diced sweet onion to the food processor

Add the cilantro to the food processor

Add all of the spices, chili sauce, egg, lime juice and zest and pulse until the mixture is liquidy but still chunky.

You want to be able to grab the mixture with your hands and roll into bite size balls

Put the coconut milk into a bowl

Put the shredded coconut into another bowl

Line a baking sheet with parchment paper

Place 1 tbsp of the coconut oil in a non stick skillet and heat to medium

The oils should be good and hot before adding the chicken

This is the tough part because you have to move fast!

Using your hands, take a small amount of the chicken mixture and roll into a ball (dont worry if it doesnt form a perfect ball).  I started with larger balls but then moved to smaller sized pieces as it was quicker to fry and turned out better.

Coat the ball in the coconut milk first and then roll in the shredded coconut

Add to the pan and fry each piece until golden brown on all sides (about 5 mins)

Place each piece on the baking sheet lined with parchment paper

I did about half the chicken mixture and then rinsed my pan and finished frying the other half.

Once all pieces are fried, bake in oven for 15-20 mins turning over once until cooked thoroughly and crispy. 

I served this with  Mr. Spice organic gluten free honey bbq sauce.

I do make my own bbq sauce and sometimes add raw honey to it but this sauce is great and easy!

MY RESOLUTION FOR 2014 IS NO!

In 2014 I will proudly continue to say NO.

No, to making an unrealistic New Year's resolution that falls by the way side.  

No to detoxing or 21 days this or that

No to cleanses

No to juices

No to diets

No to weighing

No to measuring

No to counting

No to protein powders

No to meal supplements

No to gimmicks

No to restricting

No to self criticism

I tried making "New Years Resolutions' every year for 7 years or more! And guess what? They dont work.

I realized that if I was still saying things like "as soon as Christmas is over, I will start".....I was not ready to change my life forever.

What defines me is not my body shape, my weight, or my hair colour....

What defines me is how my children view me as a mother, how my husband views me as a wife and how I view myself as a human being. 

Taking the first step towards self healing was difficult, emotional, trying and yet so rewarding!  

JOIN ME IN 2014 BY SAYING NO!

What I will continue to do, or do more often in 2014.......

Smile more often

Love myself

Wont sweat the small stuff

Be proud of my accomplishments

Appreciate the little things

Perform small random acts of kindness

Stop trying to please everyone

Be a supportive, loving wife

Spend more quality time with my kids

Be a good friend

My CrossFit and Paleo/Primal Cure

My Dad gave me the best advice just before he passed away from Cancer at the age of 51 in 2005.

He said each day was a gift and not a given right. Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind and take the path less traveled. 

 

These words would change my life forever. 

Getting married then divorced, owning a home and having a child all by the age of 20, while putting myself through post secondary education and working 2 minimum wage jobs,  set the standard for the level of work ethic that would be required of me if I had any hope of succeeding in life! 

I gained 100lbs when pregnant with my first child.  This was devastating and only added to the stress of being a single mom.  We were poor, up to my eye balls in student loan debt and even though my daughter never went without,  we lived off of soup, potatoes, pasta and bread.  Unfortunately all of the things we could easily afford only made me fatter.

It took me 5 years after giving birth to child number one to finally get back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 130lbs.  

I have always taken the path less travelled, I think it has made me who I am today and perhaps it is why most people dont "get me".  

But looking back, every decision I have made has guided me to where I am today.  

A Paleo/Primal and Crossfit lifestyle has given me strength in so many aspects of my life!  

My Dad said "you always accomplish everything you set your mind to, school, career, family, sports".  But I didn't really see it until I started my new paleo lifestyle.  I would not have had the inner strength and confidence to undergo a bilateral mastectomy.   I would not have survived that ordeal with out the self confidence and strength from with in.  

In 2010 I thought I was on the right track, my training regimen included loads of circuit training, a diet that was zero carbohydrates, minimal protein and no fat. I was constantly hurt, falling sick and had no energy most days. I kept telling myself I was getting fit and strong as I could run, bike and spend an hour in the gym on machines lifting weights. 

Then one of my friends and coworkers introduced me to Crossfit/paleo and the world I knew came crashing down. 

I barely survived my first Crossfit workout which was all of 10 minutes long. It included swinging a  kettlebell (russians), followed by dead lifts, burpees, pushups and lunges.  The WOD is always different and keeps pushing me to my limit.  I am still learning all the Crossfit Lingo, I must admit it was pretty intimidating at first but with a great coach who is patient and motivating anyone can learn what wallballs and double unders are!

Following my first TRX boot camp class, I laid down on the women's change room floor light headed and dizzy.  I loved it!  I loved the feeling that something was kicking my ass!

From that moment on, in the middle of every Crossfit or TRX boot camp class, I would run to the washroom, stick my fingers down my throat and puke.  This alleviated my nausea and dizziness!

When describing this scene to friends later, and trying to convince them to join me and how amazing this feeling was, the only constant seemed to be that I should quit and that it can't be good for me. 

However I was hooked and over the following months, I immersed myself into this new lifestyle despite all the doubters and haters. The more I got into Crossfit, the greater the changes I started to see in my body and my strength.  My quads had definition, my collar bones appeared, my biceps and abs began to show! Yes thats right Abs! After 3 babies, 1 c-section and a severe motor vehicle accident,  I still had abs.

I was fundamentally strong! I could do anything! 

After spending 8 months working a long side a coach/trainer,  I have most of the skills and equipment I need to perform the WOD from home.   A TRX strap can be hooked to any door jam, tree limb or even the backyard swingset!
Kettle balls, dumbells, mat, bar, weights, medicine ball, step, and TRX strap go a long way. 

The move towards a no weighing, no counting, and no measuring paleo/primal food lifestyle had cured me of all previous obsessions or biases I may have had with food. The list of doubters in my life doubled when I started my primal lifestyle and I am constantly attacked for my food choices. 

I’ve tuned out the negative people in my life, replacing them with only positive encouragers. Their support and encouragement is what has kept me going through the transition from a low carb, low fat diet to a Paleo/Primal lifestyle.

With the move to the Paleo/Primal diet and Crossfit/TRX style training, I’m no longer tired, my energy levels are constant all day long.  I no longer wake up every Monday wishing for Friday. I have not been sick in a very long time and my quality of life is much better.  My last course of antibiotics was prescribed for a UTI 2 years ago.  

 

My running performance has improved almost effortlessly dropping 10 minutes off my 5k time. I can lift heavier than I have in my entire life from dead lifts to heavy front squats.  I have even joined a team of fellow colleagues and will be entering Toronto's Tough Mudder race in 2014.  

Most importantly I can garden for hours, swim, cliff jump at the cottage, hike, stand up paddle board, wakeboard, ski, play lacrosse, and skate with my family.  I can carry multiple large loads of laundry up and down 13 stairs without even breathing heavily.

The proof is always in the blood work!  I had blood work done recently to compare with my pre-crossfit/paleo/primal days. 

The changes are dramatic –  resting heart rate reduced, lower BP eliminiating the need for prescription drugs, doubled my HDL’s, huge drop in LDL’s, Triglycerides and blood sugar levels at an all time low, body fat down to 23% from 51%

I have chosen not so much to follow an organic food regimen but to eliminate toxins and carcinogens whenever possible.  I have chosen to purchase and prepare foods without nitrates, antibiotics, hormones, sulphites, soy, safflower, canola, and sunflower oils. 

I hope the changes that I have made for myself and my family are not only improving our health and lifestyle,  but are setting an example that my kids will pass down to their own.

Still Maintaining 13 months after starting Paleo

 

Still maintaining 17 months later

BEFORE
 

 

AFTER

 

 

PALEO ROASTED SWEET POTATOES WITH SAUSAGE GRAVY

Remember biscuits'n gravy!  Yum! 

Okay well being Canadian....I only remember having biscuits'n gravy as a child on our long drive to Florida.   We used to stop at the Cracker Barrel in every State from Buffalo, NY to Jacksonville, FL for biscuits'n gravy:)

I have been desperately trying to coax my husband and kids over to the dark side lol The paleo side!  They are meat lovers, gravy lovers and biscuit lovers.  So I tried to win them over with a paleo version of traditional biscuits'n gravy!

I succeeded! Yep thats right, the big man himself ate a full helping of my paleo "biscuits" n gravy!

INGREDIENTS:

3 Sweet Potatoes washed but not peeled

3 cups natural almond milk

2 cups breakfast pasture pork sausage casings removed

2 tbsp dried sage

2 garlic cloves minced

1/2 sweet onion diced

1 tbsp bacon fat

1tsp EVOO or coconut oil

1 cup chopped shitake mushrooms (discard stems)

1 cup organic beef broth

2 tbsp arrowroot pwd 

INSTRUCTIONS :

Wash 3 sweet potatoes and cut lengthwise

Brush sweet potatoes in olive oil (or coconut oil) and sprinkle with sea salt

Place potatoes flesh side down on cookie sheet and roast at 375 degrees for 40 minutes or until potatoes can be poked cleanly with a toothpick

While potatoes are cooking.....

Melt bacon fat in saucepan

Add onions, saute on low until onions are carmelized

Add garlic, crumbled pasture pork sausage and simmer until pork os cooked thoroughly (about 10mins)

Add sea salt, sage, mushrooms, almond milk and beef broth and simmer about 15 minutes then reduce to minimum heat.  Stir occasionaly.

When potatoes are finished cooking, mix the 2 tbsp of arrowroot powder with 2 tbsp of hot water and add to the sausage gravy and stir well.  It will thicken nicely! 

Serve the sausage gravy over the roasted sweet potatoes! 

You could also serve this gravy over paleo biscuits or regular potatoes or even spagetti squash!